There is no doubt in my mind that treatment saved my life, yet at the same time I question if it is also taking it.
I think most of us long term in treatment patients can attest to our love/hate relationship with it.
This past week was a wake up call to how something so invaluable in keeping me in remission has side effects that can also debilitate me.
After going on a much stronger regimen of chemo and steroids I was hit with a backache so severe it sent me to the emergency room where I was first informed through an X-ray that there was a possible leak in my intestine, possibly from it being weakened from steroids.
I was prepped for surgery and was informed after a CAT scan that no hole could be detected, but my hate for steroids and all other treatments took a hold of me and I started to question if I ever wanted to be on them again.
Now days away and home from this experience, I can now see the wake up call that was needed in my treatment journey.
I had become lazy, in denial and so not productive in my own care. I did not ask questions or raise concerns when my body did not feel right.
The truth is, I need treatment and I have to find a balance between all the medicine that is given, back pain, here’s a pain killer, constipated, here’s some Miralax and find a balance between how I can use alternative healthier ways to deal with side effects.
Some of my best advice comes from other patients and I’m now listening.
There is a gratitude that can’t be denied. I am so fortunate to have treatments that saved me from cancer and added years that would not of been possible a very short time ago. I just can’t forget my own treatments and voice and remember that I too have control over what remedies work for me away from the medicine cabinet.
So here’s to future colonics, a big list of questions for my doctor and a big wake up call that I’m just as important in my own care as the medical experts.