I just returned home from a trip to my birthplace New Jersey with my mom and sister. We stayed with my youngest sister and her family.
I had one mission on this trip and that was to see my two Aunts who inspired me from a very young age to love fashion.
My mother always sacrificed and made sure all four of her daughters were presentable every time we left our home, but my Aunts were my fashion idols.
No matter what events were occurring in their lives, they were always dressed to perfection and I could never get enough of how cool I thought and still think they are.
They will probably never know how this little girl inside me wanted so badly to conduct her own life the same way. Getting dressed for what the day held.
Cancer has made me a wee sentimental and have a yearning to express what other’s have meant to me in my life. It also makes me believe at times that any day something could change in my health and it might be the last time we are together.
I hope this is not true and I get to witness how they wear their orthopedic shoes with flair, because this fashionista wants to follow in their footsteps.
So for now, I will continue to do what my two sassy Aunts taught me a long time ago…
Mother, Cancer, Teenager, these three things should never go together.
My teenaged daughter was just 15 when she heard her mother had a last stage cancer, a time when most teens are just figuring out who they are and are pulling away from their folks.
My heart hurt for her the most. Already a mother to two son’s 7 and 10 years old when she was born, they were young adults already navigating the world and in my mind they would be ok. I had done my job and all of their teenage angst was long gone and they had made this mom proud and they knew it.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude everyday that I am still here to send my sweet daughter out into the world and watch her become everything she wants to show her mother she can be.
Time with her is what I am most grateful for. To work out the issues in our Mother/Daughter relationship, to remind her that this time is about her, not me and mostly to let her know how proud I am of the young lady she is turning into.
I am not sure I would be the mother I am today if I had not had cancer for it has made me speed up the things I thought could wait, say the things I might not of said, forgive and ask for forgiveness for what might have been brushed under the parental rug and love my children in a way they will have enough of it for their lifetime.
And I am grateful.