One Step At A Time

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One step at a time…

I use to go 100 steps ahead and then think about the 370 steps behind me.  Mostly with anxiety, fears and regrets.

Today, I try to take one step at a time, enjoy the good ones, let go of the bad and know that wherever they take me, I’ll handle it when I get there.

Life is so much better, one step at a time and even better, when you take those steps in a really cute pair of shoes.

It’s Not Over Til There’s A Cure

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There are so many different types of cancers.  Some, they take out, use treatments or both and tell you you’re cured, come back for check-ups and go live your life.

Then, there are the remission kinds.  You might have surgery, treatments and then thank your lucky stars everyday that you’re one of the lucky ones who have gone into remission.

And the worst kind, terminal and you fight with any means you have to add time unto your life.

 I felt so grateful to have the remission kind.

I entered into my cancer journey so broken I did everything to get into the remission  promised me and I did it naively.  I had no idea, because I found it best to stay off the internet (not good information on Multiple Myeloma) and just stick with the goal of getting there, that I didn’t know until I did, that staying there would include treatment for the rest of my life.

It’s called Maintenance.  For some, it’s a cocktail of anti rejection drugs, for others like me who used their own stem cells during transplants, chemotherapy in pill form.

I have had a love/hate relationship with Maintenance that would rival any soap opera’s character once on TV and have convinced myself many times that I AM DONE!!!

And then it happened, my sweet, strong warrior sister, who was the first Multiple Myeloma patient to reach out to me, fell out of remission.

Her strength and courage to fight once again has been so inspiring to me, not to mention her friendship, knowledge about our cancer that I count on, phone calls, texts, lunches and just the fact she is so generous with all of it.  She would do anything to be on the successful maintenance program that I am.

So while I despise every side effect that I hide so well, I believe maintenance is worth every one of them now and pop each pill for the other warriors fighting, who would gladly trade.

It’s not over yet.

 

Dear Medical Gods

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Dear Medical Gods, have we reached our quota yet?

I do believe that once cancer hits your family, you should get a pass for all other medical problems.

Don’t you understand Medical Gods that I want ALL the attention on me?  I’ve planned out in my mind that we will spend the rest of our lives traveling, dining, laughing and just having a roaring good time!

“No”, said the Gods, you have a dirt bike loving husband who will have a spiral fracture (in leg), need surgery, spend months scooting around on wheels and then right when you see the light, will get a infection causing him to start all over again.

Ok, ok, ok, I think I’ve learned my lesson.  Life will not rotate around me, we are not immune to injuries, diseases or what life throws our way and I am strong enough to help my loved ones get through their tough times ahead.

What our future holds is taking care of each other, being grateful for each day, maybe using a few medicinals to laugh along the way and most importantly, know that together we can conquer anything!

 

Be A Fighter

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What makes you continue to fight?

I’m not talking about spouses, kids, family, the loves of our lives.  I’m talking about what makes you get up everyday and face the challenges ahead?

I remember moving to California in the first grade from New Jersey and spotting on the first day of my new school, a pair of sandals a classmate wore and knowing that if I just had those shoes, my life would be perfect.

My sweet mother, after I could be found gazing lovingly at those sandals while she went grocery shopping (a giant store Gemco, that was probably the Costco of our times) finally bought me those sandals and to this first grade misfit, they rocked my world.

I’ve never considered talking to a therapist about my obsession with my love of getting dressed, what ever it is, it’s served its purpose and is now seeing me through cancer, remission and every bad day I have.

I’m now sharing that journey on Instagram and I have started to follow other’s who have found ways to create with challenges they face in their own lives.

What ever fight you face, use that thing that makes you keep fighting and no matter what that might be, who cares what it looks like to others.  In fact I’d like to know, because so far, I’ve been pretty inspired by the way fighters fight.

 

 

 

 

One Week

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I remember a long, long time ago, that I hated one week every month.

Now, I look forward every month to one week that makes me very happy.

Three weeks on, one week off, this is my chemo pill schedule and while I appreciate that it keeps me in remission, there are times it’s hard to swallow with its side effects.

I am celebrating that this is my one week off and while I love this week, I really really really like the other one’s A LOT!!!!!