Today I had a CT Scan and I’ve been a wreck all week leading up to it. Why did I eat that Del Taco yesterday? Can they tell I’ve been dabbling in the Medicinals a little too frequently? I have been feeling tired. What was I thinking having 3 cocktails in the past two weeks? Maybe that pain in my rib area is my gall bladder? Why haven’t I taken up yoga, meditation, running and eating clean?
It seems everywhere I look there’s media coverage about how you can prevent getting cancer, leading me to believe this must be my fault. It’s got to be linked to the salami I still can’t stop eating. I didn’t listen to my body and symptoms once before, should I now be hyper diligent and worry about every ache and pain? Could I have prevented this?
I really do go about my week with cancer in the background of my life, only being reminded when 5pm rolls around and I take my chemo pill, but when I have an appointment at City Of Hope, I am jarred back into reality and I’m certain that this will be the visit they tell me the bad news again.
Which leads me to this, do you think I could wear these shoes if I were a nurse?